Hi vetswife;
I can understand what you are talking about. So many wives of veterans have spoken to me about these same issues. Let me ask, have you taken him to the VA hospital for a readjustment program?
I work at the VA here in Minneapolis, MN and they have a very strong program. The veterans readjustment act is wonderful, with lots of support for him and you. It is possible for him to get some help with
his problems and injuries weather they are service connected or not. I would strongly recommend that you contact the VA hospital closest to you for more information.

Also, would it be possible to contact asocial services support group about pre-school or possible daycare programs for your other children? They can provide a much needed break from your daily schedule with the kids for a couple days a week.
I know NJ has some programs for day care, I used to live there in South NJ, Sicklerville./Williamstown area. I miss it.

Try First call for Help, a Red Cross program. You should be able to get a resource book from them. You don't have to be alone in this. Make the call.

Have a great day,
Eric