chaotic, throughout your post you talk about "irrational" thoughts and fears and how you think the therapist should "correct" these thoughts, tell you they are distorted, put the fears to rest, "declutter your mind." Is this really what a therapist is for? Would it really help you if your T "corrected" your thoughts?

When I was struggling with fears that my H would hurt me if I told him I wanted a divorce, I read a book called The Gift of Fear. It helped me accept my fear and understand it is there for a reason and not to shrug it off. In therapy we explored why I was afraid, the roots for this fear and the "evidence" that what I feared might come true and the evidence that it wouldn't. My T at no time ever said "your fears are irrational, just stop thinking them and all will be fine." That is not therapy. I think you already have a sense that your own fears/thoughts are "irrational," and it hasn't helped you banish them, so it really wouldn't help to have a T say that too, would it? Maybe you need to get beyond the surface of trying to banish irrational thoughts, and explore their origin. To talk about all that with your T and see if it opens up any paths to healing. You say how "overwhelming this fear is on the inside," so there probably won't be a quick fix--it will probably take more than one session. Have patience and treat yourself gently. This is hard.

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chaotic13 said:
If you were to say something that makes you appear like a total shameful, complete idiot, evil, hypochondriac, (add any other judgment labels) freak-- WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That your T would be invalidating and dismissive, and say, "chaotic that's irrational, buck up and stop thinking those inane things, let me correct your thoughts for you and all will be well." Sorry to laugh, but you have made your T out to be very good, chaotic, so I can't believe she would ever say that to you. If you cannot trust her enough to share this difficult topic today, can you at least tell her that you have an important topic you would like to talk to her with at some point, but aren't quite ready to? Then at least she knows something is there, trying to come out, and she can work to help it out and build even greater trust. Trust doesn't come overnight, or sometimes even in a year. It is easier to work on really difficult issues and build trust if you see the therapist each week. You haven't seen her for 3 weeks so no wonder you are worried you won't be able to share. Today you might just "get to know each other" again since it has been so long. I think you are doing great.