I don't want to force myself to eat, my boyfriend already makes me feel guilty for not eating by asking if I've hads any dinner or breakfast or lunch and what I'll be having the next time.. And every time is the same I say nothing or whatever and he says "oh" sounding really downhearted..

So I'm forced in that way and now, by threatening to phone a specialist whom I know will just say "we can't do anything unless we speak to her (me)" and then him asking me to and me saying I don't want to and then him getting pissed off, so me feeling guilty.. I have gone and made an appointment with someone from SWEDA and I really, really don't want to go.. I'm just doing it to make him happy.. Yet it's making me miserable.. I swear, I'm starving again tomorrow, because from eating I have blacked out and thrown up twice, without even trying to throw up.. Not good

So, to avoid that, I'm not eating and that way I have an excuse for not eating because I am now ill.