I see T once a week now for 90 minute sessions. This is due to her retiring/cutting down to two days a week/me moving/etc.

Today, my appointment was from 1030-12.

10 minutes into the session, her cell goes off. She apologizes and says she needed to answer. There was some sort of crisis the other night. So she spent about 10 mins on the phone.

Then, had to make another call, regarding the same crisis to another person.

Then, someone else called as she hung up to reschedule or something.

So about 15 minutes later, she settles back in. By now, I've lost my place and feel kind of shaken. But we start talking slowly.

1130 rolls around and she apologizes but said she really needs to sit in on a call care conference for a few minutes. Another 15 minutes of her talking on the phone.

Usually, we go right up until 12, she ended at 1155.

Now... I'm trying to be all ok about this. I know stuff happens. But I can't help but feel like crap. It was a worthless session. I was nothing but a side thought the entire time. My trauma, my struggles, my feeling of brokenness meant NOTHING, someone - something else, was more important.

Just like I've always heard, always felt - when it comes down to it, I will be the one to be pushed aside.

It wouldn't have been so bad if she asked to only have a 45 minute session - but that's not how it went. All the interruptions and breaks threw me off completely from concentrating. It was so pointless, and I felt like an idiot the whole time.

Not to mention it's a 90 minute drive one way.

I'm quite pissed off. I've been having such a hard time, and she has limited contact between us so much. In all that mess, no wonder I didn't mention, "By the way... I'm extremely suicidal".

Yeah, thanks.