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Old Jul 02, 2008, 04:19 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2007
Location: Out of my mind...back in 5 min.
Posts: 10,370
update after today's depression yoga class.
I pretty much fought the flight mechanism the entire class and was resistive to the work.

Today (unlike last week) I did get all my supplements in this time, had planned ahead, got up early, ate, did all the right things... felt resistive to going (younger selves) but still went of course. Was doing ok through the talk portion when an 8-legged ICK came crawling out on the wall i was leaning my head against and that was the ticket to dissociation.

I came leaping away from the wall with a cry strangling in my throat. Fortunately it came at a time where we were just transitioning from talk into movement so the entire class was moving at that time.
But gosh!!! That THING was right near my head!!! I just shiver thinking it might have been ON me.
One other gal tried to get it, but i think the instructor got it - I dunno -i left the room.
And of course the me that was there prior to that was not the same me after that. So i really couldn't get into a place of good self care or relaxation or anything. And the guy who was there on the other side of the room moved to right in front of me (understandably, to be in exposed poses for me it is hard enough w/o being next to guys - no offense!!).

The instructor checked in with me after class and i was only able to tell her that i was in fight or flight mode the whole class.
SHe said i was brave for staying and the me who was there told her i never leave class (which now that i think about it probably didn't jive with last week when i left to go to therapy but then when it was cancelled i had shuch a bad panic attack, i couldn't go back in... and i left today when someone caught the ICK - I'll have to call her and explain).

I am working through a very strong urge to self harm right now that has been with me ever since yoga - i think it will pass.
kiya et al
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