that's just it Peg, i really dont know right now ..... i feel i am a nut case right now, is that wat you are referring to, yes i know i have lots of people supporting me here ..I'm sorry, maybe i should have said IRL ... that's how i feel .... noone gives a %#@&#! .... yes my kids love me .... yes my hubby loves me ... to everyone else i am just in the way, a pain in the ***, well, maybe i am ..... i'm just venting my feelings, i'm not angry, i am hurting, please, anyone who reads stuff from me right now, it is MY PROBLEMS ...... this is the only place i can vent them ...... I MEAN NO HARM TO ANYONE HERE .... EVER ..... j