it's okay - thanks for the ideas
I thought of what it would be like to deliver as you suggest "a taste of her own medicine" - but the reality is that - I'm just not like that (so - I don't know how to do it, and I don't want to become like that).

I'm not a rude person.
I've used that phrase myself "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all" (I remember it from Bambi)

I need some quick short replies for when this happens (because
I know that I won't get many words out for stumbling over them).

The letter writing is a good idea - so I have access to email (same thing) - but what to courteously say? "Let's have a pleasant dinner."
"Let's not ***** all evening." "I'm not accustomed to being with someone who *****es all evening and I find that it ruins my dinner, and then I don't even want to go."
Any more ideas?
thanks again