My last post got lost in the ether somehow.

Christina suggested I repost, but I don't have the energy.

Here's all I have to say, at least tonight:

-- I suck.

-- I hate myself.

-- I feel like a waste of time, space, cells, you name it.

-- I'm pretty sure I'm beyond help.

-- I'm not all that sure I care anymore. I think I was just meant to be like this. Every time I get even the tiniest bit of self-esteem, I get battered right back down into the pits. Thus, I must belong there, no?

So, I'm quitting trying. I'm over trying to improve myself, my life, etc. Time to accept the worthless scum I am at my core and learn to live with it.

And really -- this is not a plea for people to placate me by telling me how fabulous I am, etc. It's just a statement of where I am, and how I plan to go forward from here. I'm exhausted,and there are only so many times you can be humiliated and beat down before you get the message. I apologize to everyone who ever tried to help with my SI, but it's taken enormous amounts of emotional energy to "behave" that I just don't have anymore.