Simcha,
I noticed a few patterns in this PDOC's unprofessional comments. I thought I would share my thoughts, but know that I'm not sure if I'm close to the truth or far away from it. Based on your Title, I see that you might be searching for a reason for his behavior. I do this obsessively which can be helpful at times and can be unproductive at others. I hope that this is a time in which it is helpful.
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I told him because . . . and my T had recommended that I talk to him about a low dose of anti-anxiety meds so that my anxiety/panic attacks doesn't flare up again. PDOC asked me about the asthma that I have--
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..." PDOC said to me in an annoyed voice "That doesn't sound like asthma to me; you should have more problems breathing OUT... I don't think that's asthma. "
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The pattern that I notice from this interaction and from subsequent actions is that your PDOC seems to be triggered when he perceives that your comments are questioning his authority. First, he should know (should) that he is not qualified to diagnose asthma. I wonder if the above incident was triggered by your mentioning that your T recommended a course of action, if your PDOC felt threatened that someone else was "telling him what to do".
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I went on to tell him that he can contact my T if he doesn't believe me
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"How do you KNOW the stimulant isn't causing the panic attacks/ anxiety?!!!!??? I believe I do know a thing or two more than you do, and I think I'm qualified to know the difference!!!!."
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Your PDOC's insecurity is showing here. Again, maybe he felt threated by you mentioning your T? He asks you how do you know the stimulant isn't causing the panic attacks/anxiety. My question is how does he know that it is?
You are the only person that can answer that. His answer further supports my suspicion that he is defensive when he perceives others as questioning him. My T frequently tells me not to idealize him, that he can and has been wrong at times. Your PDOC's response goes against this idea, which I believe is a cognitive distortion. Again, your PDOC *should* know this and should be aware of his subconscious motives, if that is the case here.
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PDOC then accused me, in his own words of "telling him what to do" and repeated the bit about knowing more than I do as evidence that he must be correct about the stimulant (in the same accusatory, hostile manner of course).
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I will NOT be having you telling me what to do!! I am not going to provide the treatment you want, and I'm not just going to do things your way!!! I think you'd better leave!!!"
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This may be dementia or Alzheimers, but I don't think the pattern that I see would be so blatant if that was the case.
I notice that in spite of all of the evidence that you question your perceptions/feelings/thoughts -- I totally indentify with you! I still don't have the ability to trust myself yet. I hope that will come with time. Know that my perceptions in regard to his behavior are exactly in line with yours. This was unprofessional and you didn't deserve this.
My explanations of a possible reason for his behavior are an attempt to make you feel validated and to let you know that his actions and what I perceived as being anger were not proportional to the situation. My perception of the situation is that this clearly was not you!
I have no idea as to what to tell you about your course of action. Have you asked your T what he thinks? I hope you are able to resolve this difficult unnerving situation. I wish you the best of luck - keep us posted. Take care.
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