Hello, I could use some support right now. My husband and I are having some real problems -- we've been married for 20 yrs. as of June 25th, but we didn't celebrate it because I found out he took a vacation trip to Myrtle Beach with this woman "friend" who has haunted our relationship ever since I've known him.

He said he's know this woman since he was 13, and he doesn't want to stop being her friend, even though he knows I don't like her, never did. I see her as a very sneaky person, very manipulative.

Anyway, when he returned from his vacation, his cell phone rang, and although I left the room, I could still hear his side of the conversation. It was someone telling him they made it on the train o.k. A few minutes later, another call. This time, he tells the caller, "Oh, so it's like, welcome back from your vacation."

When I confronted him about the calls, he lied and said it was a friend from work. A friend whose name he had never mentioned before. This was on a Sunday night, about 9:00 p.m. Later, after talking with a friend of ours who is a Clinical Psychologist (she recommended that he tell the truth and accept the consequences), he admitted it was this woman friend who was on this vacation with him. He told me he spent $300 a night for a room at a resort hotel.

When I checked a joint account where we have quite a bit of money which was to get repairs on the house, he had hit the account several times, just before the vacation. I immediately took out most of the funds from that account. Later, he came along and took out all but $5 of what was left.

This isn't the first lie he's told when it comes to this woman. He has lied many times before. I ask him why he lies, and he says because if he tells the truth, I get mad. He doesn't realize that when I catch him in his lies, I'm even madder. It seems as if he WANTS to get caught in his web of lies. Yet, he says I treat him like a little boy.

He says he loves me, that I'm the one he married, etc., etc., etc. But still, he can't or won't see that this woman has drained a lot of energy from our marriage. I'm fed up now, and I'm contemplating a separation. I've told him that his actions speak way louder than his words. I found out recently that my name is not on the deed to our home -- his brother was the original owner, but we lived in the house and paid the mortgage. When his brother died, he willed the house to my husband. I am now working on getting my name on the deed to the house. I am burnt out by this marriage and I've told him this.

He now says we shouldn't throw 30 yrs. of our relationship down the drain. Funny thing is, he wasn't thinking of that when he told this woman she could come along on this trip!

I'm angry, I get depressed (I suffer from severe depression -- I'm taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro daily for this); I'm in recovery, and have been for 13 yrs. now -- alcohol, cocaine abuse. I've been in therapy many times, both individual and group, and I went to see a therapist who helped me about 2 yrs. ago when this problem reared its ugly head.

Sorry to ramble on, but I can't eat or sleep, this is really bugging me. I feel like I need to get my financial/legal house in order and leave this man. I've supported him through several illnesses related to his diabetes, yet he says we shouldn't "keep score" because we've both helped each other. While this is true, I feel that somebody needs to tell him the score because he doesn't seem to know it.

Any support would be appreciated!

Thanks!