Since an incident over a week ago with one of my 15yr old twin daughters, I've had to deal with the emotional fall out this caused in me. The original situation has been dealt with and T said she thinks I diealt with it superbly. I had to face a lot of fears and be pro-active...BUT the feelings of rage and fear were left hanging around within me for a while and every time I look/ed at my daugther I got/get this fear inside of me, I am so afraid that something bad is going to happen to her that for a while I couldn't tolerate being around her.

I know at her age I'd just started drinking and lived a lot in fear of the past and future and had no one to help me deal with painful emotions, and I am so afraid that my daugther will or is experiencing life how I did back at that age. T said, you seem to channel your fears through your children? That hit home, unyet I'm not quite sure I've properly grasped the meaning of that statement, but I know on a level that this is what i am doing.

Its like suddenly all the fears and pains from my childhood and teenage yrs are being released but somehow I am being forced too see them as if they are happening to my kids...that I can't believe my kids dont have to experience all the feelings I experienced? I can't get it in my head that they are not me. INtellectually I know that, but emtionally I feel all the past is being replayed through them.

I did do some journalling this morning when I felt that free-floating fear coming up again..but I think this is something new that needs to be worked on now, understanding emotionally that my kids are not me.