The past couple of days have been kinda stressful for my BF, so there's been a lot more switching. So far we're all pretty cool...Last night I witnessed something I hadn't seen before. They've been trying to tell me, but I didn't understand. Now I do.

Jon and Jonathan have both told me that Jonny ("The Kid", as they call him) is a lot more powerful that I'd ever believe. I know that he was the one who took most of the abuse in the past, and I thought they meant emotionally strong/resilient. Umm, that too. Jonny and i were talking last night, and he didn't really want to step back quite yet...and he got angry. Except his isn't anger. It sounds more like Rage. There was a COMPLETE change... The other two are scared of that side of him, and I can understand a little why. That raw aggressive power made me nervous, too.

From what everyone's been able to tell me, Jonny is...master...of fear and insecurity and rage. Most of the time, he's quiet and shy and nervous. When he feels that anyone's being threatened, the pent-up rage takes over and he...I can't even describe it. He's the REAL Protector.

I don't want to be afraid - this is still the man I love. But to be honest, hearing that voice and seeing the look in his eyes frightened me. I don't ever want to be on the wrong side of him like that. I understand better now, and I want to understand.