But did you actually follow through on the threat? Give him until such and such a date and then leave. Go somewhere or at least move to a different bedroom.

When I found out about my husband's relapse I slept in a spare bedroom and took off my wedding rings for a few days. It made him crazy. But that might not work on your husband.

Counseling sounds like a good idea. As long as he is open and willing to do it. If he just shuts down, it might not help him..but it should still help you.

Good luck.