Greetings. My name is Maciek and I live in Poland. I'm 18 years old. I'm a high school student, will be on my third year. I have a problem that was with me for numbers of years. I have fought depression many times but let me start from the beginning.
My problems started mostly when I went to Gymnasium (a type of school before high-school). I had problems in primary school but not that major. I had trouble in finding friends. I wasn't sure why. I didn't seem like a bad person. I'm well behaved, intelligent, funny, easy going yet no one wanted to get close to me. Slowly lonelliness became a giant issue for me as I gotten moody. All day after school I would just sit in front of the PC, playing video games. I had no friends to spend time with, no one to have fun with. 3 years passed and I'm in high school. I thought "This might be my chance! Show myself in the best light! I will surely get some friends". But it was a deja vu for me. No one come close to me, didn't talk, I was ridiculed, laughed at for no real reason. I was torn apart..I felt so bad I had psychologist help. I gotten antideppression pills. Two kinds. One was Xanax the other I was not sure. After some time of taking them I gotten fed up. I decided to commit suicide. I tried to overdose on the pills. Took more that 50 of them.
It didn't work. I passed out in school and gotten rescued by paramedics. After that I gotten locked in a mental institution. I stayed there for 2 weeks. In there I felt even worse. Couldn't get contact with any other people (who had the same condition or worse), I experienced great pain by what they injected me (couldn't move my neck muscles for 2 days).
I was home again, I tried to somehow live alone and not care about that. I had to change class. I couldn't stand being with those people. I was also in regular sessions with a doctor. That didn't help, no results what so ever. Few months later I decided to take my life again once more. I wrote a death letter and went to the train tracks to jump at the train. I didn't do it, could make myself to jump on the tracks. I went home...
Now few month later I have vacation. I started feeling depressed again..I'm lonely I do the same thing year after year...sit in front of the PC all day. I have no plans on how to spend my time, no friends to have fun with or go somewhere. I don't feel enjoyment in most of the things I do...

The last thing I want to do is to get "professional" doctor help...