I have the kind of depression that sometimes never seems to go away. I had it the first time age 17, the second time age 23 and now I've got it again the third time aged 25...I worked so hard last time, using both CBT/ therapy and antidepressant medication to try and prevent it from coming back, but in fact it just seems to have come back faster!

This time around I haven't managed to even find a therapist I can work with, and I haven't been able to stick to the medications because this time I am aware of the side effects, and I'm scared about them, and because, to be honest, I really really don't like my psychiatrist. I would take the pills if I could find a psychiatrist or therapist or someone supportive to help me or encourage me to do it. But I have not found anyone I can work with since I moved (to a new city) and it worries me that I either can't stay depression free for very long, or even find someone to help me.

In some ways my life is very good, and I realise that if I wasn't so damm depressed I would probably have a good chance to be happy, but it just seems like I can't stay well long enough to make things happen. I can't be bothered in my job, which worries me because it is a good opportunity, and at the weekends I just stay home instead of spending my increased income or meeting people or getting out to see and do things.

When I do go out (i'll go if I'm invited) it is hard at first, but it does often take my mind off things, but it is still not easy- I am prone to daydreaming, not concentrating, or crying in the middle of a movie/theatre play etc, and then when I go home i feel even more depressed than I did before going out. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about it- the one person I felt I could confide in seemed to vanish just as the depression was starting, and I am amazed at how little my co-workers/acquaintances say/do about the depression.

Some days are worse than others, but this time it has just dragged on, and I don't know what to do. I would like to know if anyone else here has experienced similar recurring depression, or if anyone has any good ideas how to get out of this?

thanks for reading what turned out to be a long post!!