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flowerb said:
Why wouldn't you tell your therapist? Because admitting stuff out loud makes it (more) real.

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WoW, this is so true for me. Yesterday in the session I felt really uncomfortable but really connected to my T. After talking about my fear, my T talked about EMDR and had me trying it once during the session. I've never done this before so I really didn't get what I was supposed to do or what she was going to do so it really didn't work too well. She asked me to think of a specific situation in which I get very anxious. To visualize it and really think about experiencing it. She paused, I think waiting for me to tell her what I was thinking about. But I just could not voice it out loud. It was like I could not fathom hearing the words, especially me saying them. Instead I just looked at her and said..."I got one." She accepted this and tried to guide me through the exercise. Last night this memory haunted me big time as I tried to go to sleep. I tried the eye movements, it helped while I was doing it but the feelings and sensations quickly return after I stopped. I don't think I am doing it right.

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kessa19 said:
It made me think of posting on PC and the risk involved. What if no one responds or I am rejected? What if the writing style doesn't evoke the intended emotion or comes across as rude when it never was intended to and I alienate everyone. I can't hide behind my looks, body language, my position in society it's really just me in all my twisted glory--exposed.

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I found this really interesting. I find posting on PC and writing to my T much easier because I CAN hide my looks, body language etc.. and say stuff I would never be able to say. Either way it is scary wondering if people will accept you post and respond.

(((Pachy))), I am so sorry your previous T actually said that to you. I truly believe what comes around goes around. Although I may know see it for myself, hurtful people will eventually reap what the sow.

I feel really lucky. My T really handled me well yesterday. I don't know where I would be if she actually did one of the worst things that can happen. I know in other areas of my life when I did a worst case scenario analysis and something bad happened, I felt really crappy but then pounded my chest and said I was ready for that. My personal ritual in these situations is to take my pulse to confirm that I am still alive and basically say a very loud F(*& 'em! However, this would probably be A LOT harder to recover from in this particular relationship. ((((many hugs to you Pachy))))