... mind you, I'm more just rambling for my own sake so if you want to ignore this post from here forward, now's a good time to go back to doing something more productive! Thanks for listening this far, though!

Back to KV's "codependency" question... I don't want to hog Geekgirl's post, so I'm moving it over here. This is one of the reasons I decided to drop my last therapist. She might have been right and I have seriously given her ideas some thought, but I concluded that she's not the right therapist for either of us. She had this theory that I must enjoy the "power" or else I wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place, because I have had (as others would see it) a lot of success in my career and he hadn't had any so far when I met him. I think that's a lousy basis for choosing a partner for a relationship, but she seemed to think it said something about me, that I chose to date "below my level". Personally I was really offended that she would see either of us in those terms. I took it to mean that SHE wouldn't date him, and that she was imposing her taste onto me. So, she was calling it codependent - that I don't want to break up with him because I am somehow getting a kick out of being the one with the financial power.

That's why eventually I decided to find a new therapist. I was tired of going over that possibility, and believe me, when a therapist introduces an idea, I do try to have an open mind and see if they have a good point or not. I wasn't looking for someone without a career - in fact, the opposite. When I was recovered enough from my divorce to start dating again, I made a little list of criteria, just so that I would remember the lessons that I had learned the hard way. One of them was to date someone who had a stable career (that wasn't a lesson from the past... just seemed like a good thing to have on the list). My boyfriend obviously didn't have the stable career, but he seemed like he had a good plan and he impressed me in so many ways that I thought that the stable career was just a matter of time. Boy, was I wrong!!!!

Believe me, I do NOT want any power in this relationship, financial or otherwise. I don't want control, I don't want anything other than for us to be equals. I'm not expecting him to make 6-figures or be the president of a company -- I just want him to pull his own weight.

Given how much time I've spent on this topic within the last 24 hours, I guess I need to step up finding my new therapist. I'm going to do that right this moment. Bye!

Ian is going to be a-ok!