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chaotic13 said:
After talking about my fear, my T talked about EMDR and had me trying it once during the session. I've never done this before so I really didn't get what I was supposed to do or what she was going to do so it really didn't work too well. She asked me to think of a specific situation in which I get very anxious. To visualize it and really think about experiencing it. She paused, I think waiting for me to tell her what I was thinking about. But I just could not voice it out loud. It was like I could not fathom hearing the words, especially me saying them. Instead I just looked at her and said..."I got one." She accepted this and tried to guide me through the exercise. Last night this memory haunted me big time as I tried to go to sleep. I tried the eye movements, it helped while I was doing it but the feelings and sensations quickly return after I stopped. I don't think I am doing it right.

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I'm glad you are giving EMDR a try, I think it has the potential to help. When I have done EMDR with my T, we need more than my usual 50 minute session. It seems to work best if we have 90 minutes, so we can get through the whole process comfortably, without being rushed, and without having to skip anything. From what I have heard about EMDR, it is OK to keep the thoughts about the fearful situation to yourself, you don't have to speak them outloud, just remember/think them while you are doing the EMDR. When I've done it though, I spoke them outloud. (I think that has some therapeutic value for me too, and allows T to help me better.) Often what my T does is have me tell him the traumatic experience without doing EMDR, or at least the gist of it. and then we put the EMDR gizmos on and do EMDR on it. So he ends up hearing some of it twice and he guides me through it with prompts, and it has helped him know what we need to do since he has heard it before. If that makes sense.... There have also been times when I just could not tell him and we needed to backtrack and spend some more sessions building trust.

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and basically say a very loud F(*& 'em!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This made me smile because it is similar to what my T told me to do once. He said whenever my H does/says X, Y, or Z to me, inside just say f*&k you.

I think the EMDR could open up a lot for you, chaotic. I hope you get to try it again, and maybe some more explanation /reassurance of the process from your T might help? When I do it, I don't do the eye movements. I think I would find that very distracting and I might not even be coordinated enough to do it. There are other ways to achieve alternate stimulation of the two sides of the brain, so your T might be able to use one of these if the eye movements don't work for you. (We use these two electronic gizmos that give alternating pulses. I put one under each arch of my foot, but T says some people put them under their thighs. And I've heard others hold them in their hands. I find the alternating pulses very soothing. I wouldn't mind doing it even when I'm not doing EMDR.)