Hi Perna, thanks for the response...I hear what you are saying... and it makes sense...

I guess the main reason why I ask this, is that the problems I am having, mentally, causes me to clash with other people as my brain doesnt seem to work the same as theirs... It is mainly the clashing that makes me upset... Seeing as it is unlikely that the majority of people is "wrong" and I am right, I tend to think that I am somehow, somewhere at the end of a spectrum dictated by some form of "Standard Deviation" or rule that if you think this or that way, you don't fit in the box and are not "Normal"... But just what is normal... How can I adjust my self to what other people expect me to be like, if I don't even know what I am supposed to be like.

I am currently seeing a shrink and a psych...one for the meds and one for counceling but things just seem to run around in circles. I feel too overwhelmed during my normal life to try and focus on changeing the way I think... and I always seem to get my self into trouble... The harder I try to do my best, the worste it gets cus at times, I just don't know what people want from me and at atoher times, what people want from me is just too, how do I explain this... "Painfull"? "Wrong"? "Against my better judgement"?. I just want to live and be who I am and do what I am good at...but since there seems like there is no way out and that it is but a pipe dream, my thaughts usually turn to suicide as it's the only "viable" escape.

Sure, I have brief moments of happiness every now and again, but that is just totally different from contentment... I am never content and feel like I am just sitting around, enduring the pain, struggles and heartache waiting angtiously for the day I die...