What a c**ppy situation with your H. villagesmithy, I'm glad you have a therapist for support. I think going on secret vacations with this woman is way over the top for just "friends." If you are just friends with someone, you can have lunch with them occasionally, or invite them over to your house for dinner, etc. Sounds like he is invested with her in a longterm affair. Is that what you think?

I think it is a good idea to get your financial house in order, and yes, definitely get your name on the title to the house--top priority! Try to do this stuff without rocking the boat too much, as it will be much harder to do if you separate first. While you are getting this all in order, you can think about what you want to do, if you want to work on the relationship (go to couples counseling?), get out, or what, and use your therapist for help sorting this out.

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I feel that somebody needs to tell him the score because he doesn't seem to know it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That person should be you, but hold off until you have done the financial stuff you need to do to protect yourself in case things fall apart.

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I immediately took out most of the funds from that account. Later, he came along and took out all but $5 of what was left.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What did you do with the money you took out? What did he do with the money he took out? Be sure to keep track of where all the funds are going, and don't be surprised if he wants to do the same (know what you did with the money you took out). Remember all your money right now is joint property so you each have a right to know where it is. You might want to agree with him to put it into a frozen account that you each agree not to touch until you work this out one way or another (if you can trust each other to not touch it). If you can establish that you do have some trust right now, it will help the divorce go more smoothly, if indeed you decide to divorce.

Here is a book I have found useful for understanding the settlement options available (might be too early for you to make use of this??): Fair Share Divorce for Women.

Best of luck. Protect your interests no matter whether you stay or leave.