I am starting to wonder if I am the one who is insane. My boyfriend and I have been dating since January of '07. Everything seemed alright for the first few months, but then I started seeing some 'off' behavior. For example, I noticed that he judged people (usually friends) way too harshly in my opinion, but I let it go. His ethics and morals were pretty much interchangeable, and he usually didn't have a set opinion on ANYTHING. For example, if we were discussing something or exchanging ideas, even if he had given an opinion on the topic already, he MAY say the exact opposite of his original opinion. This was usually an opposing opinion to mine (which I don't mind at all. I just want him to tell the truth). This started to get to me after a while, because there wasn't really anything that he said that I could depend on. We had a few issues at the beginning of the relationship because he wanted to "live in the moment", and I just wanted to know what he wanted out of the relationship. This went on for months. We broke up in June last year, because I had found out that he had written an email to an ex of his, for the most part professing his undying love for her (she lives 3 states away). When I confronted him about this, he made up excuses and claimed that he was "depressed". Although he does have a history of bouts of depression and suicide attempts, I am not so sure that I can believe that this is what caused him to write the email.

So, yes, we break up, and immediately, I felt horrible. I felt like I had done something wrong. However, I got over those feelings after a few weeks. I knew that he was in contact with ANOTHER one of his exes during the time that we were broken up. I also knew that she rejected him because when they dated, they were going through a similar situation that he and I are now. She said that she cannot trust him, and did not want him back. He comes and weasels his way back in the beginning of August. He promises the sun, moon and stars. But a few weeks down the line, it's the same damned thing again. Our relationship since then has been a constant push and pull game. He'll start to distance himself, and when I give him space, he'll think that I'm upset at him. His constant lies about contact with the ex he sent the email to has driven me into a horrible depression. I've been on the brink of wanting to kill myself time and time again. I feel like I can't believe anything he says, and wonder if he has the ability to feel. I feel like I have met the Devil himself. I know that I cannot stay in a relationship that is destroying me like this, but I feel insane for loving him. I feel insane for wanting to know the truth. I feel insane for having the urge to snoop on him when I KNOW for a fact that he is lying to me. It's maddening. What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with me??