I starved myself and worked out all of the way down to the weight I am at, I should be thrilled, they want me to gain back 15 lbs but I too am miserable. I force myself to eat, it is not enjoyable, I resent it and I still feel fat. There is no happy place when it comes to eating disorders, food, our bodies and the scale.
I am sorry you are hurting so much, but please know you are not alone. I am out here hurting too. Take care.