in an earlier post i had said "Thankfully i will be seeing my divinely sent MD. and am working up to telling her something really important but also something i have a lot of shame around. it has to be written or the alters will switch so that she only gets the "best" side of us. I'm still not sure i can hand it to her, but it has a big impact on my health, and is really important. i'm just scared about it. i haven't even given it to T yet. "

i just left her office - and cried all the way home. she pretty much played "T" today since mine is out and she cares so much about my totaly health.
I'm scared and panicked and the body is hurting. mountains in to molehills... i know... but it was about my living conditions here w/mom and how it plays directly into my health. So MD was brainstorming ways to get me out of here and wants to show what I wrote to my T so they can brainstorm together. I'm switching - i'm afraid - i'm thinking mom's gonna KILL me if/when she finds out. and i'm getting the old knee pains i did as a kid.
i was so ashamed of the info but MD said she not only understood it, but came from the same background. I couldn't meet her eyes and she very kindly, but with an order, said "look at me". i could for only a second. I nearly switched several times there but she keept talking me through it and got me to stay present.
I could also see the tears and old ghosts of the past in her eyes, too. I think it was hard for her to read as it was for me to let her.
The system is fearful of the outcome. We knew these risks upon writing it... and didn't know if we could hand over the letter.... but now it is done. and i have to breathe and try to keep calm.
k