I am longing to meditate, and to connect with the"realm" around me. I also long to feel that connection again with my intuition, my instincts, my sense of connection with the world. BUT...

There are emotions still connected with my late sister, my childhood, and my choices along my life's paths. I feel there is a spirit guiding me. I have felt it over the past four years. I feel that there are powers of intuition I have but I just can't connect.

It is like I am circling the target or bulls-eye but not hitting it. I long for that sense of self. I have given and changed and adapted too much to convenience others or to become what I think they wanted me to be or become. I lost my self identity along the way. I have to come back to what I was once or at least understand what I was before all of the paths and turns. I feel that there is a purpose for the paths taken, but, I am losing me along the paths.

Wehther this relates to clairvoyant abilities or like I said before, a cocktail of various help systems, I don't know.