Well, it's BOTH of our issue. Not possible for it to be only one person's issue when we live together! I guarantee that if any of you are depressed, then your spouse or partner has their own anxiety about it as well, even if they aren't on this board talking about it.

I never had a good grip on it. Rather, I have a grip on HIS problem, but don't have a good grip on OUR problem or MY problem. I am the first to admit that I have problems! Mine just doesn't happen to be depression. Mine, right now, is how I allowed myself to get into this situation! And how I can manage my stress level, given the fact that I can't change his condition!

We started out in couples counseling, but then the therapist wanted to see us separately... me for why I was still in the relationship, and for him, why he doesn't get a job. Of course, he is free to keep seeing her if he wants to (but he doesn't - he doesn't think it was helping him).

I don't know how to do the tough love, KV! If I could be guaranteed that it would help him, I would do it in a heartbeat! But there is such a big shadow of doubt that it could do more harm than good... and the last thing he needs is more harm. But hey, I'm willing to try, but I can't figure out the logistics. He doesn't want to leave... so how does one kick out the person you love? Especially if you really don't want them to leave? Do I pack his stuff and sit it out on the curb? Do I find a place for him to live? How do I make it happen? I actually did give a "deadline" at the beginning of June, that he needed to have a job within a month or else start looking for somewhere else to live. It's the only time I ever said such a thing and it was a MISTAKE. It sent him to the worst episode of depression that he ever had.

I don't know how to do it - the advice is good, I guess, but tell me HOW!

crying,
LMo

Ian is going to be a-ok!