Echoes,

Thank you. Yes, I feel as though I am reaching out to myself in a loving way as well. I have been practicing maitre; loving kindness towards self.

I told T this plan and he agrees. We spoke about all the shame I hold. I think I am ready to unload some of it. Being embarrassed to discuss certain things is one thing but being riddled with shame is a whole 'nother ballgame.

The thing with my cutting is that it is so important for me to be able to ground myself asap sometimes. That is because I usually feel that ungrounded I cannot be the mother I need to be. I can feel out of control and go into my bathroom, cut and be out in the kitchen 5 minutes later cooking dinner as if nothing were wrong. I am worried that the other diversions won't provide immediate-enough relief.

Sigh.