It sounds like she is jealous of your affection(s) for other women…this is inappropriate and unfortunate.

Also she sounds like simple behavioral training, or Pavlovian as you said, won't get very far.

I'm in a similar situation, so I think I can empathize.

It can also be destructive because one feels ashamed of even bringing up the issue. I mean, most of friends are married…does anyone really think they want to hear me complain about my mom? (not to even mention women--I feel like I have a sign with "loser" written on it if I mention her).

So, that's the bad news. At least you're living independently, and in relationships with women. Out of curiosity, do you belong to any traditionally family-oriented cultures? If you're not Italian, Brazilian, etc., your mother's point about them is irrelevant. The men of both those cultures, for example, are stereotypically thought to have high rates of infidelity, do you think your mother also wants you to emulate *those* aspects of these cultures?

One concrete strategy springs to mind: when she calls, ask her about *her* friends.

Otherwise all I can think of off the top of my head are two books, one I read a few years ago and one I just started. The latter was "Emotional Incest" I think, and had some powerful but heavy concepts to it. There are a couple books with similar themes, just go to Amazon.com and look for those "Other Customers Also Purchased…"-type links. The current one is "Why You Behave In Ways You Hate and What You Can Do About It". Good luck