Heather, you are one of the nicest people on this board so I would never take what you say the wrong way! Thanks for being honest.

Yes, I know that I AM in control from a financial standpoint, but I don't WANT to be in control!! Please explain what you meant by me being in emotional control, though - I don't see how that is happening, but you might have a good point and I don't want to miss it. I don't think I'm in emotional control at all -- in fact, I see HIM as being in control because he's the one with the power to change the situation, no matter how hard *I* try!

No, my previous relationship was relatively normal. My ex had an affair that he wanted to continue with, so we got divorced. There were probably some control issues (I would expect that every couple has some control issues at some point in their relationship), but I think the only really big one was how it ended - I didn't realize you could unilaterally decide to get divorced, and THAT was a big reality check that I didn't have any control in the situation. Because I didn't! But during the relationship, it was relatively equal, I think. Financially, we did about the same; he had the higher prestige job but I made more money some years (I am a consultant, so my income varies year to year).

You said that it's up to me to change who is in charge (financially and emotionally) -- how do I do that? Honestly, if there is a way, I'm open to it -- just don't know how.

I am not very strong right now but I can make changes... just don't know how to make them.

Ian is going to be a-ok!