I understand the sentiment. I often feel that way, very deeply. I know the despair all too well. I knew it too well the times I tried to kill myself and all the other times I have been self-destructive.

But I struggle against the despair anyway because I believe I am a little bit better each day I take a step in a positive direction, towards being the person I want to be and deserve to be, despite my destructive past.

And I have met people who do care and do understand, despite all those I meet who do not care even to try to understand.

I'm reminded of the first time I acknowledged my abusive past in a public place. One person who was there walked up to me afterwards and said simply, "That took guts." He understood. And I felt supported by those three words.

I was silenced once, with a knife and a gun and ropes, intimidated into not telling anyone about the repeated raping I endured. Never again. Today I will stumble forward and I will fall on my face, but I will continue to get up and stumble forward some more. And with that, I hope others who have suffered like me know that I care, and that I am determined to have hope.

be well,

mtd