I put high value on being invisible. Even though I have friends, etc., in general, in the world at large, I don't want to be "noticed". T and I have talked about this.
Last week I painted a box to leave in T's office as a symbolic "container" for the overwhelming feelings I have outside of therapy. After much discussion, T put it on his desk. The box just looks like ME to me - it has a mandala on each side, and I painted it in colors that I find soothing. When he put it there, he told me "you know, people will notice that box. How do you feel about that?". I really don't know how I feel. I guess for me, it's almost like practice in being "noticed". Baby steps.
I'm so glad you're so attached to T. I know that's where the healing comes from.
(((((((((((((((((((( Miss C ))))))))))))))))))))))