Thanks Simcha, Gimmieice, Miss, Chaotic, Pachy,

Good points - i really needed to see these today. I've been in a state of panic; even dreaming (now i know it was a dream) again that my MD was saying "Look at me" because i coldn't meet her eyes.

SHe does totally understand - and Simcha, thanks for the insight about the crazy mom comment - i remember now that once MD said her mom and mine could be twins!

Chaotic - usually she asks me if she can read what i have brought while i am there. This time i prefaced it with "i've been debating whether or not to give this to you" and she took it right away and began. *gulp!* and i dissociated on spot. But this understanding was one reason i gave it to her and not t - T is not only a PsyD but also a RN and PMHNP so the issues I am dealing with really run counter active to her being a nurse. (i know, I'm being vague - I still can hardly face this).

Yes freedom...Miss...somewhere supposedly that is the goal. And it also freaks me out as much as i want that goal.
MD said "In order for you to heal, do you need to be out of your mom's house?" YES!!! "Good! I knew that, but I needed to hear you say it." and today i can't stop shaking. oh wait - maybe that is the increase in meds.... =(
thanks all - i really really appreciate the responses. i'm nearly sick with anticipation and fear.