Sadly, I don't think I know what friends are anymore. I used to believe that it was based on loyalty, being there for good times and bad.

Then I discovered that too often I was engaged in people pleasing and/or stuffing my own feelings and not being authentic.

So much so that I lost track of who I am underneath the outer facade of politeness and conforming to social norms.

Now I'm wondering if maybe the best thing is to let people flow in and out of one's life like water. Accept love, mercy, compassion where it is, give it where and when I can (and do my best to increase that capacity), but not try to hold on to anything. Doesn't work anyway.