</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Has anyone gone to marriage therapy without their spouse?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes. I wish I had known that you could do this years ago, when my marriage wasn't so far gone that it might have been able to be saved (maybe). Like you, I tried back then to get my H to go to marriage counseling, but he refused. So I dropped it and didn't consider I could go alone. Now I am older and wiser and know better! Yes, by all means you can go on your own. I often encourage people on PC to do that when they say their spouse won't go. You can work on the relationship but also on yourself too so it is not always as your T said, that you work only on the relationship. As you know, there is a lot of overlap, so it is hard to separate them even if you want to. But you could certainly try. I have found it so helpful. It helped me examine the relationship and my feelings about it and most importantly, get strong enough to leave the marriage. Sometimes that is the outcome, not necessarily saving the marriage. As I said, I wish I had done this long ago, and maybe the marriage would not have failed. (But somehow, I kind of doubt it.) It actually took me months before I could even talk about the marriage with my T. He knew from our first session that was the issue, but it was so painful that I just had to keep circling it in therapy, touching it, withdrawing, coming back to it. Meanwhile we worked on trauma and that really helped me get unstuck and make me stronger so I could deal with the marriage. My T was very patient.

After you've done marriage counseling on your own for a while, you may be able to get your H to come too. You may be better able to communicate the benefit or he may see it firsthand in you and realize its value. After 9 months of solo therapy with my T, I finally asked my H to come (I was terrified of this). This time, about 8 years after his first refusal, he said yes. And we had about 10 sessions of couples therapy and then began on the divorce. I told him at the first one I wanted a divorce and we began the uncoupling process, still going on today. We did explore staying in the marriage, but it was too far gone. My T is skilled at both marriage and uncoupling therapy--both forms of couples therapy with a lot of overlap. Developing good Communication skills with your partner is something that is emphasized no matter what.

Anyway, that's my story. It has been soooo helpful! I never could have made it through this without the therapy.
It's great to have an expert to help you with all the relationship concerns. It gave me confidence that he had so much experience with all sorts of couples and marriages.

Good luck. Hope you try it!

(If you want a woman for your marriage therapist, then get one. However, I seem to remember you posting several times on PC that you don't really like women--or something like that--so would you really be OK with a woman?)