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Slippers said:
i think he's plum scared.

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Yes, anxiety is definitely underneath all of this. I know he has fear (that he cannot face), that he has failed me... I also think there is a great fear and intimidation of being in the room with two therapists, even though I would not be in therapist role.

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When one person is in indiv therapy and they grow and explore, they also mature and change in many ways. You may have grown emotionally so much that he's scared of this new person. He's being challenged to grow up too, and maybe he just ain't ready. Maybe he won't ever be. I dunno.

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Yeah, T and I talked about this. You hit the nail right on the head because when H is mad, he says to me, "You have changed so much. You are not the person who were when we first met." I feel like I have grown and he is stagnant. If I try to tell him this, he says that he is the who has grown, and I am the one who is stuck. Sigh. It never goes anywhere.

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The other problem is that it's inevitable to compare H to T. T listens and emotes, and does all those grown up "in touch with my feminine side" things. H is still in the "I grunt my emotions" stage. If you go ahead with the couples counseling stuff - I would spend some time on this. How can H ever live up to the standard that T has set?

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Well, I'm definitely not asking H to be like T-- but I am hoping and wishing that H could put some words to his emotions-- or to at least connect with his emotions... maybe acknowledge that they exist.