Tomorrow(July 5th) I become 68 yrs old. My loss of my life due to illness began in 1965. Then, I was 25 yrs old. By 1974, I was useless in any career capacity, had ended my marriage, was heavily medicated, and always wanted to sleep. Nights were spent trying to sleep with very little success, even though taking 3 different medications for that purpose. I lived in a room. I could go on, but I won't, in this vein. I found no one answer to pull me thru 'till now.
At times I clung to religion. Then there were friends and people who really believed in me. I went thru various programs and read a lot of popular psychology books. Once in a while, I'd hook up with a therapist who helped me to believe in me and made me feel like I had value. Family was of some help, but chose to remain ignorant concerning my illness. My sister was a strong support, esp with her capacity to love me, even though I was a mess at times. To conclude, you may require more than one resource to help you to grieve your loss. It is very real and should not be minimized. It can hurt endlessly. A warm therapist is essential. We usually begin our lives with such huge dreams of being "someone" and "making a difference"; only to develop an illness that deprives us of that promise. I can very well understand and empathize with what you say. Perhaps, you can still matter, even in some small way, to help someone by making this planet a less hostile or indifferent place to live in. Above all, maintain your hope. Medicine is making gigantic strides. The better treatment for your malady could be right around the corner. You need to live now. The lost years can't be reclaimed. I wish they could; both for you and for me. To dwell on what might have been is an exercise in futility. You can never really know. Put your energy into "now". This is the only place that you can build on. Finally, get the negative people out to at least the outskirts of your life. They drag you down. See what you can do NOW.