Suzy...grt post. I am struggling with strong suspicions and some 'proof' of this relationship existing and I, after much research on the subject, concur....if denial of the depth or nature of the relationship, defensiveness of, secrecy/deceit, arguementativeness over, etc. exist - yeah it is what it is. What to do when you find out is the question? Any intimate sharing of feelings etc which should be shared between partners - is emotional cheating. Getting the one involved in it to see your side is another story.