"After 3 years with my T, I have barely been able to describle this to him in direct words. I am so embarrassed, mostly because I see it, somehow, as a reflection of me-- like, if I tell him that my mom doesn't clean the house or take care of herself, then he will assume that I don't clean my house or take care of myself."

*tears welling up in my eyes* - yeah, that is exactly it.
I'm really thankful you posted. I couldn't even express why it upset me so much to have to divuldge this info to my care team. And that is it. I couldn't feel more like a loser, a piece of dirt in this house; i'm 31 and not on my own. My few attempts of life on my own have been disastrous. I haven't even tried since 2000. I do feel like it is a direct representation of me - even tho, under the circumstances, i am as cleanly as I possibly can be - even tho my own personal space is chaos and dusty. I felt like i needed to tell my md that (i didn't, I couldn't find the words). Last month when I saw her she reached out and touched my knee to let me know she was there as a real person (there is hardly any physical contact with her - not even listening to heart or lungs or anything. it's mostly talk about symptoms). After reading the letter I gave her trying to detail my life, there was no such contact. I felt contaminated. She is working on helping me out of it.... so i know she cares. but i really felt like i was a dog that had rolled in something smelly. I felt like saying, "Yes, but i wash and scrub every inch vigorously daily!!!''
Though MD told me she too comes from the same background and really understands. She even told me when she was a kid she scrubbed the floor in one little area so she could have a clean place to sit by the window
(heart breaks)... So, of the two, I am glad i chose her to tell. I am still afraid t will now look at me like a cockroach. i have to trust she won't.

Thanks pink! ((((((((Pink!!)))))))))))