it really is strange stuff.. indeed. i do try pachy.. i lay there telling myself it isn't *entirely* about now.. some of it is, some isn't.. and to really %#@&#! me over.. some of it isn't about anything. Some of it is pure hormone reaction... stupid progesterone. There isn't any mental gymnastics i can do about that. T says to try to hold on during those times... hold on to what exactly?

you are right, entirely right... sitting and letting the anxiety just be is the best way to learn to deal with much of it. i wish i could go about the rest of everything.. but it is so big. i want to run. there isnt anywhere to run TO... the Dalai Lama said that wherever you go, there you are.

yeah kiya... this is a difficult pill to swallow for sure. It's hard learning to readjust to not being as functional as i was, or as everyone else is. i dont like it. i dont know my limits so i tend to over do it or hold back too much. No middle ground yet. Frustrating as all get out. And no.. i didnt ask the guy anything.. i was too dumbstruck. i have never ever met anyone who struck me quite the way this guy did.. i mean, wow... just thinking about him makes me all stupid. i wish i had had that effect on him.

thanks ice.. support is helpful now. i feel so alone.