Kiya, I really understand this. And I feel that shame too for my own situation. My and my H's house grew very messy and unkept and rundown as our marriage deteriorated. We were both very depressed and neither could be bothered to do anything. It just got worse and worse. The living areas are "clean" but messy. The basement is a disaster. When the girls got their rooms painted 3 years ago, they dumped all the stuff from their rooms in the basement. Then when they moved book into their rooms, they left their mounds of junk downstairs. I can't even start on it. I feel like such a failure because of this. And my H moved out 8 months ago and took minimal things. He still hasn't come back to get his stuff! I have all of his junk which I don't want. And mine. And the girls. Twenty years accumulation. It is awful. I never talked about this problem with my T. It was too embarrassing and shameful. Then the child specialist had to come to my home a few times to interview my girls. I cleaned up as best as I could. Then I met with her and she brought this up and told me I had to clean up because it was affecting my mental health, depressing me, the weight of the disorder and chaos. She is so right. What is worse is at a meeting with me, my T and my H, she told everyone of this problem, so now my T had someone else tell him how dysfunctional I am at home. It was really awful. But I am glad it is out. Both the child specialist and my T are helping me with this problem. Kiya, your T is not going to reject you because of this. She will help you deal with this. My T explored my related dysfunctionalities, suspected ADHD, and sent me to a PNP for further diagnosis. I am now taking meds, and have seen a tremendous improvement in my ability to start tasks and finish them, keep order, not lose things, etc. I have cleaned up the outside of the house and yard and it looks great (got to start somewhere, the place is falling apart). I still have a long way to go inside the house, but I really want to do this now, and with my PNP's help, maybe I can. She is also working with me on behavioral solutions so I can beat this. One of my first big goals for myself is to make all the repairs on the house that need to be done. I have allotted 3 years to do this so as to spread the cost. It will cost about $30K or more. First up, if I have enough cash, is a new roof this Fall. I feel like the state of the house mirrors the state of me. And if I can make progress on the house, I will also make progress on my own mental health and happiness. It makes me feel bad about myself to read how you and Pink have lived/do live in these disatrous houses with your mothers who could not keep order. Maybe my girls feel that way about me? I am really trying my best. (And I know part of this was my H's responsibility too, but he's gone now, to his nice new, clean house free of junk.) If only my girls would help with their own stuff. It is a big part of the problem. This is not all my fault. Maybe I just need to throw all their stuff away. But they would have a fit... It is certainly not the case that I have two nice neat clean girls who do not "fit in" to the disorder in the house. I worry though, now that you and Pink have said this. Maybe it is all my fault. Just adds to my sense of failure over the marriage.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know I understand the shame. I want to reassure you that your T is not going to reject you over this. She is going to help you!