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sunrise said:
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Simcha said:
Really though, what T who has specialty training in adult ADHD keeps a cannister of brightly colored Tinker Toys right in front of the patient...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">OMG, I would totally love that! I am a very fidgety person, and as it is, I "play" with the objects that T has out on his couchside table right next to me. I have wondered occasionally if this annoys him. He never shows it. He has all these "found"objects such as rocks and other stuff and I like to pick them up and rub them in my hands, stroke them, etc. I especially do this when I am a bit nervous or having a hard time with a topic, so it is also a "non-verbal" way I communicate to him some of my anxiety. I think if he had tinker toys, I would build a large and complicated structure. It would be really engaging to me, and I might lose all interest in therapy and our conversation, lol. Simcha, do you play with the tinker toys?

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I really WANT to play with the Tinker Toys!! He has told me I can if I want to, but I would probably build a large and complicated structure also, derailing therapy on him once again. He says the Tinker Toys are used for certain neuropsychological tests... I think I'll screw with him next time and ask him if he plays with them in between clients--Yeah right T, you have them for yourself. Then my T would have to pick up after me too LOL--I like to have something to play with for distraction too sunrise. Fun.

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ECHOES, I hope you are doing OK. When I read what you wrote, it didn't seem to me that what your T said necessarily meant that you needed to apologize or be sorry for what you had done. It's common as others have written here to bring up topics at the last minute. "She could have acknowledged what I said and then said it was important and we'll start with that next time. " --Do you know why you need her to say that? If the topic is one you want to discuss, could you be the one to say, "oh, I know it's late, let's talk about that first thing next time." That is communicating what you want and also indicating you do respect the frame of therapy. ECHOES, the doorknob thing is so very common--does it really mean you are becoming like your mother? I think that feeling is definitely worth exploring!

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I think as long as ECHOES is cognizant of herself like she seems to be, it's impossible to become like her mother.

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I'm not sure if you have challenged T's boundaries here, but i know it does hurt when I feel I have stepped on my T's boundaries, but that is what happens in real life too. We inadvertantly step on people's boundaries, they let us know, we take a step back, and do better next time, and the relationship grows. With my T, if he lets me know I have butted up against a boundary, I just try to think of it as new knowledge about him and don't take it personally. I try to shrug it off and not get down on myself. He is trying to get me to do that with other people in my life, so the practice on him is useful.


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REALLY EXCELLENT POINT SUNRISE, about not getting down on yourself just for inadvertently either crossing someone's boundary, or (more often than not) simply BELIEVING that we have stepped over someones boundary. Maybe ECHOES only thinks she did something really terrible, when in reality it really wasn't anything to fuss over at all. That's pretty common in people who have too much anxiety and are afraid of making "mistakes" in the fear that they won't be accepted by the other person anymore. Really though, if you think about it, that's one big fat cognitive distortion isn't it?

Lets analyze this:
"I made a mistake, therefore they won't love/like me anymore."
Nope, this doesn't fly with reality, so it must be a cognitive distortion. All or nothing thinking is always irrational.
If it were me ECHOES and sunrise, and I made a mistake with someone, and they really did respond like you fear, by rejection--- I'd say bloody good riddance then!!!! Who wants a person like that around them? No way Jose.

I don't think ECHOES T is really thinking like her anxiety is telling her to feel though. I think if she tells T that she apologizes if she seemed demanding or what not to show T that she was not blindly self absorbed (I'm sure T doesn't think ECHOES is blindly self absorbed anyway), and then start into the rest of the session.