Wow - much learning going on for me. Sunrise, thanks for posting that. Hmmm i am having to integrate all this. I really relate to this "I feel like the state of the house mirrors the state of me. And if I can make progress on the house, I will also make progress on my own mental health and happiness." That's exactly what MD said to me too - you also said - that i am feeling so bad right now health wise from this emotiona/mental heaviness that stems from this chaos.
And you know - what you said about how you are afraid your girls think that about you, and how your husband was apart of it. It is all going round in my head. My mom's husband - same thing - he faulted her, she faulted me. He left to his clean uncluttered new house. I learned from my mom these traits and cannot now change them without help and a lot of the chaos is mine. She faults me entirely, but her room is worse than mine.
So - i think applying fault is not helpful. Unlearning habits is. It did help me some to repeat to myself "this is not my fault" but i do have to take ownership halfway - i have been so depressed that I stopped trying to beat it. And really, i can't beat something I don't understand. Don't fault yourself, k? These things ( i am learning ) do not happen in a "vacuum". They have organic beginnings and come from somewhere.

Pink - "when you tell your T, she will look at you as YOU-- not like a roach, not like your mother, not like anyone but you. You are Kiya-- not your house, not your mother, not the dirt on the floor. Just you. " - thanks. I really needed that. I need to print it and carry it in my pocket.

I did call T. And MD also. (messages to both) I told them both I am ready. I see i need help and i am ready to take those steps and get out of here.