more good ideas, ww. i can carry convo. i'm sure she'll be asking me about pain, etc. so that should help keep me present. one thing that helps me alot is to talk about the kids...my girls and david. keeps me present. in fact, it's a cue that t uses when he needs to. so i might write something up to read tomorrow while she's doing it about plans for the kids...youngest's prom, oldest's wedding, david summer plans, etc. even better would be to make a list while laying there. that's a technique i use here at home to do emotionally painful things without checking! i think we've found that answer! tytyty

i'm gonna be fine. i know that now

thanks everyone!