You've got it right, Re. I asked a minister once how I could forgive the grandmother of two of my oldest kids for telling them falsely that I had abused my daughter by sticking a needle in her tongue whenever she stuck it out. Yeah right!

What he told me was that I could let go of the anger and resentment towards the woman, but it didn't mean that I had to forget. If I forgot, then I could easily allow my kids to be put in harms way again. In this case, I needed to remember what the woman had tried to do to my kids so she couldn't do it again. They could continue to spend time with her if they wanted to, but not be alone with her. The same goes for those who abuse us in any way. We can choose to move away from them so it doesn't happen again.

Letting go of the anger, fear or resentment frees one up for better things, like happiness and peace in your heart, mind and spirit.

If there is any compassion in forgiving, it's compassion for oneself, I think. My perpetrator was my own grandmother. Even trying to understand why she did what she did to me doesn't make it any easier to find compassion for her. But I won't allow anymore what she did to me and the memories of it control my life anymore. She did and her abuse did long enough, thank you very much! Enough is enough; no more.