(((((((((((((Free1))))))))))))))

I used to think people were tricking me when they told me I did or said things. I didn't really think about it other than that though. As I began to get more awareness, I found out that what I was doing was dissociating (I didn't even know what that was in the beginning) and gradually realized that not everyone could be tricking me. Funny how I never put that together before.

As I've become more aware, I sometimes feel like a detective trying to put the case together. Sometimes there are clues, sometimes not. My T said something that helped me a lot though as I was getting more awareness.

She said that it didn't change just because I know now. My system has been doing what it needs to do since forever (or whenever it started) and just because I know what's going on doesn't change things. So, I try to remember that. While I might not remember going to work or buying this or going there, it's always happened. My system is about protecting me and it helps me to repeat that whenever I get nervous or scared. I'm kind of a scaredy cat so I have to do a lot of self talk sometimes.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I hope things calm down soon. Keep posting. We care.