I don't know if it's from all the abuse I endured as a child, or the abuse I put on myself as a teen, or the thought of knowing I hate me, or all combined together... It just seems impossible for me to love me. It seems no matter how much I open my heart for others, I can't do it for myself. I've been through so many relationships seeking love or at least care, and I was used 90% of the time for sexual reasons, which lowered my self esteem even further.

I *want* to love me, I really do... But how? I've tried so many things from exercising and dieting to lose weight, getting off drugs to try cleaning up my attitude and self worth, I've even did the whole stare in the mirror each morning and tell myself that I'm beautiful... None of it helps me. So confused, I am.