thanks echoes, fuzzy, skeksi....
I still keep hoping T will call me today (while also dreading it!) but also know that it is unlikely that she would - and if she doesn't, I can get through to wed night i think now because i am learning to draw strenght from myself while processing the cr*p (or maybe this calm is simply a moment by moment thing).
I had weird dreams all night and a nightmare this morning that my house had 4 people in it - one who was possessed by a dead man and was causing a poltergeist type distrubance, and also that my dad (abuser) had been in the house and spilled tea everywhere (?!) and mom was the only one to see the spill.
Guess my unconscious is working on something....