Thank you for all your replies!


I'm really doing okay with this. I no longer think she is annoyed, I just felt that short awkward moment that felt like forever where she decided to call it what it was, a doorknob confession--Thanks gimmeice, I couldn't think of the right term for it when I was
posting.

The moment she called it what it is, I knew she was right. I even knew I had been doing it but was unable to stop. I have done it exactly as it's called--my hand on the doorknob, my back to her, making a comment that really belonged in session. I have cringed
each time I did it. I think because I had my back to her somehow I thought she that wasn't noticing or that I was getting away with it.

So here it is, out in the open, and I actually look forward to exploring it with her.
I no longer worry about the boundary aspect of it, although I think it applies because I know my motive is to keep the session from being over. It used to be when she would say "Well that's all the time we have today." I would just whine "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
This hour goes too fast!". Now I have moved on to trying to actually manipulate it. And I know from my reaction of delight when she's let me go into 'overtime', that this is intentional in some way and a kind of test of some kind.
Am I important enough to extend the hour? Do I matter enough?

Also, the subject I brought up... I did think it was important. But just because I think it is doesn't mean T would think it is. And it was a kind of a "Look at me" comment--something I did that I thought was positive and I wanted her praise to take with me.
So, Pink I think I was fooling myself even in my post. Defensive, I assume: if I call it not important and then I don't get the praise I wanted, then I can't be hurt or I won't have to show or admit that I'm hurt.. I do think it was important for her to "notice" this as I'm still learning trust and getting comfortable. I also love that it was in the moment rather than filed away for next session.

MissC, although I'm no longer worried that she is perturbed, yes you are quite right. I often think afterward that she is perturbed about something and it causes me great stress between sessions. It can grow and grow and become quite montstrous. The hesitation, the serious look she gave me, made me think of being young and how my mother liked to control with dirty, nasty, angry looks when she couldn't spew her nasty words. (Grabbing the upper arm and digging fingernails in was a tactic too.)

Simcha, my T invited me to do the sand tray with her but so far I haven't. Her room has toys along one shelf and just last session I mentioned a shelf had been fixed. I often make a comment about the toys. She's asked if I want to play with them. I feel silly, but I do. Mostly, I just want to do something with T.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and to relate and reply and offer me

backatch!