Hey. Thanks for responding. I really appreciate it. I'm amazed that someone managed to get as far as they did :-)

I think.. I'm feeling a lot better today. Couple things helped... Got an email from my ex, which was nice, and got an email from my t, too, which was also nice. So... Feeling a bit more connected with people who I care about.

I don't think that he intended to convey that I was a burden. I don't think that he thinks I am... I think that he was really very genuinely trying to come to a non-judgemental / blaming take on this. I think... It was courageous of him to try and figure some of the counter-transference stuff so that we could use it for good. I've seen too many therapists where they were simply unable to face it in a non-judgemental / blaming way. I'm actually quite impressed with how he has dealt with this.

I guess... I hurt him. I didn't really mean to. I mean... I thought something like a short sharp shock might be nice (if he was indeed trying to do the same to me via behavioural intervention). But I didn't think... That my not seeing him anymore would hurt him. I thought... He would be happy to see the back of me truth be told. It is kinda shocking to me that it got to him so much that he sought supervision about it. A great deal.

I think... He is genuinely trying to help me see some patterns that I have in my life. I think he is trying. And today... I guess I think he is helping. Sometimes it does feel like my need is too great... I think the thing is that holding more ambivalence kind of lessens the need. Maybe like how seeing that things would have been hard in a number of respects with my bf makes it so much easier that we broke up. I still care about him, yeah. But I don't know that we would have been happy together.