Nothing matters, I'm just so tired of it all, why do I even try?
I'm just so sick, sick of me, sick to my stomache, sick of the memories.
I'm tired of one moment feeling real and the next feeling like I don't exist at all.
I've always been able to dissociate, remove myself from me when I hurt to much or everything is to much, but now I've lost control of it.
I have this urge just walk up to people and ask if I'm really here or if everything around me is real or just made up in my head.
I think to much. I'm babbling I'm sorry just a rush of emotions from nowhere and stupid me going back and forth from feeling grounded to floating. I hate me, I hate me so much right now, I'm a liar, I'm fake, I hide to much, why can't I open up like all my friends? Why is it so damn hard for me to talk about my emotions or the accident?

I hate this so much, I keep screwing up, I'm sorry, I've started agian so now it is hard to stop again.
I need this, but I don't, when will stupid me ever learn?
I'm so stupid, so so stupid.