As a consumer and practitioner of counseling, I love reading these posts... It gives me a chance to read some honest feedback on what its like for others to be in ‘the other chair.’ I love it even more when my clients share directly with me about the way they feel in response to my actions and comments. I think many other T’s might feel the same way. So…..

I would love to read about people's success stories. When have you talked directly to your T about your relationship with good results?

Some tips for those who haven't yet given hard feedback to their therapists and aren't sure how to start:

Now that I am a counselor, I get much more out of my own therapy than I used to. One of the reasons, I think, is that I'm not afraid to tell my counselor when what he's doing isn't working for me. Not that I'm telling him what to do, because I go to him because he has perspectives on me I can't have. But I let him know when I don't understand what he's saying or when I'm troubled by something he says.

A great technique I like for talking about this stuff (with counselors or anyone) is to start with a simple formula such as:

I understand ______.
And at the same time, when _____ happens, I feel _______ .
What I would like to see happen differently is ___________ .
If that change happens, then I will ______.

Using a formula seems artificial at first, but just like learning to play a sport, you learn the form first, then it becomes natural.